I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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