we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
