I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
