I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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