so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize