Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
