I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
