You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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