the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
