I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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