Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
