dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wish my penis had a tongue
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
