Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
