If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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