He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
