You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
