I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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