i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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