Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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