Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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