Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
