just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize