I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
