By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
