evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
