Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
