Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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