I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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