I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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