Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You can't special order awesome
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Randomize
