i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
