So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
