I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
