Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize