I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
