The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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