Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
