Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Randomize
