Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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