hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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