My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
