I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
