R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize