the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
