shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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