If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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