can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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