I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
