this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
