You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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