I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
