just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize