Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
