The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
