I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize