My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
