i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
