Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
