Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
