Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
