They should really pass out barf bags in church
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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