I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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