I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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