Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
