I CAN MOONWALK!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize