Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
