Non-Jews are for practice
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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