I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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