When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize